Saint Entropy's Rattling Ribcage

I cannot surmise from the last week’s incidents what exactly is going on. Instinctively, I am thinking that other people’s euphoria is slowly killing me. After an evening last Friday night at a local roller rink, I put myself at the mercy of a couple friends as I participated in the “riding of the train.” I was already terrified enough by simply being out there, and not having any skills in this department. When the line that I was in the middle of “cracked the whip” I lost my balance, both my skates went out from under me, and I dropped to the hardwood floor, landing directly on my tailbone. The evening was over.

I have been long overdue for a good ol’ run of the mill sickness (flu, fever, soar throat, etc) . Having always been in generally good health my entire life is not something I take for granted, so I tend to dwell on how frail I really am when it does hit. This week was my sick week for the year. A horrible fever followed by flu symptoms that ruined Monday night and every following day, including today.

Last night there was a “Hoe Down” party that I skipped in order to catch up on school work that I will never be caught up on. As I was leaving campus to head back to my apartment, a group of my friends came into the lobby hopped up on post hick ecstasy. This proved fatal. Max ran up and with full force jumped at me, in an attempt to straddle my back. Since my back is still aggravated from the skate night accident last Friday, I knew the prospect of a person swinging off of it would most likely hurt. I shifted my body to avoid him, only to expose my ribcage to his incoming knee. Well, sometimes you cannot avoid what’s coming.

A couple of weeks ago I completed writing lyrics to a song that I have been working on for the last 9 months. One of the lines mentions “my rattling ribcage.” I don’t think my ribcage has ever been physically rattled before last night, but now I am certain that I would rather it be rattled in the manner that the song speaks of. It hurts to laugh. These incidents and my general condition made me think of the last song I wrote before I decided that I was definitely going to return to college. I was fed up with where I was taking my life. Many things have been fixed, and I am healing; but I am still breakable, and breaking.

Saint Entropy

“Saint Entropy, hear the call.”
Dead inside, impractical,
Until feeling the fantastic pull,
Of grace, grace, grace…
But all my vanities,
Disgrace the One who stands for me,
I pray, pray, pray,
To that which is invisible,
But my list is so pitiful,
And gray, gray, gray,
As Seattle skies.
Strip facades,
I just want loves to love,
And hates despise,
And fly straight, straight, straight,
In a tearless age,
Translucent and seeing through,
Redundancy and selfish rage.
I was called guilty,
And I agreed,
Because I was built to break and bleed,
I, Saint Entropy.