Status

Someone asked me last Sunday if my friendships would change now that I have "status" and a lot of my friends remain "poor college students." I laughed at first, brushing off this question as if it were absurd. Then I got to thinking, "No, you know what? She's right! I have STATUS now! Finally, my life is worth something! But how can I prove this?" I then took a picture of my coffee table, as it embodies and perfectly encapsulates everything worth living for, all of which I have now attained by my right hand! For any former friends of mine who are still in college, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but I must disassociate myself from you. I have a status to maintain, dag nab it!